Lessons in Self-Leadership: A Pharmacy Story
On September 7th, 2025, I went to our local pharmacy with four objectives: to pick up my husband’s prescription (that was ready), and to get or schedule three vaccines (flu, pneumonia, and a covid booster). The pharmacy tech I was interacting with was new to me. As she informed me that I would not be able to get the covid booster at that time, I expressed surprise. In response, she was demonstrably snarky, saying, “Didn’t you know that Arizona is one of 13 states now requiring a prescription to get the covid booster? Don’t you watch the news?”
We Are Presented with Daily Opportunities to Live Into Our Values
Since I’d just had my annual physical that summer, I was startled as I would’ve expected my doctor to tell me this, so, I assumed, this change in practices must have happened between now and then. My bigger concern, in that moment, was not whether I could get the covid booster or not, it was the nature of this interaction and how “on my heels” I suddenly felt.
Startled into action, I was clear that I didn’t want to dance this negative dance. Present to her upset (and mine, although mine was not as significant), I paused.
In that moment, I had a major ah-ha and self-leadership win. Catching myself in a dynamic that was simple enough but could’ve become very negative, I was present enough to understand that I had a choice. Thankfully, I was listening, paying attention, and choosing both for the relationship and a ‘come from’ that served us both.
That kind of presence is self-leadership.
The old me, feeling somewhat attacked, challenged or judged, would’ve immediately prepared for battle, and maybe, met snark with snark. The more mature and skillful me, that I’ve worked hard to become, took it all in, stepped back, noticed my body’s defensive response, and paused – to breathe, to feel, to sense, and to consider, what’s trying to happen here, and what’s needed now?
Standing in Our Leadership Point of View Guides Our Choices
Committed to putting relationships first, beginning with the one with myself and including her, and coming from a more empowered, intentional perspective, I leaned into her and said, “Yes, I have seen the news and, to be honest, it’s been very confusing, to me. In truth, since I’m 65 now, I didn’t pay as close attention to it because what I’d heard suggested that I was in a safe category and would be eligible.”
I watched as her body softened. And then she apologized, explaining that it had been a long, hard Sunday and that a lot of people were disappointed and angry about this. She had been bracing for me to respond in anger or outrage, which I make up had happened a lot to her that day. But I met her with something else – patience, humility, curiosity and compassion.
These are all elements of self-leadership.
Knowing it was not recommended to get three vaccines at one time, I knew I would be walking away with two and coming back for the third. So, I promised to contact my doctor, request a prescription, and follow up after that. No attitude, no snark, no misplaced anger required. She seemed relieved and, gently, slowly, came back into herself, good energy within and between us restored.
She reminded me to wait for their confirmation of receipt and green light because they had to confirm that payment was authorized first too. I nodded in understanding. We’d become a team.
This is also a characteristic of self-leadership, partnering, whether it’s with multiple parts within or with those around us.
What Do We Know That Matters? What Don’t We Know That Might Matter?
Later, I did my homework. It appears that these “new procedures” had emerged in part because of a lack of formal recommendations from a federal committee that, historically, would have decided by that time who can get the shots and who can’t, which then impacts the payors and what they agree to pay for.
At that time, the FDA (Food & Drug Administration) had narrowed eligibility for the latest covid booster to people 65 and older and for those with underlying health conditions, but, I discovered, even those of us in these categories were required to go through “new” procedures compared to the ones in place a year earlier.
This, coupled with the fact that Arizona state law prohibits pharmacists from administering vaccines until the CDC’s Advisory Committee on Immunization Practices (ACIP) formally recommends it, which was also delayed, created multiple new steps and hurdles both for patients to stay the courses needed to protect themselves and for our pharmacy partners and professionals to serve us.
All of which explains her exhaustion, her short fuse, and the snark!
Later that evening, and in the days that followed, this issue was all over the news. Apparently, I was not the only one learning about the changes making self-care much more difficult across our nation.
Assume the Best First...Begin with Compassion
Some of these policies have changed since then. But confusion still reigns.
I feel for our medical professionals. All the paperwork, new rules, changing laws and regulations, all moving targets, are weighing heavily on them. They are overwhelmed, overworked and bearing much more responsibility than just practicing good medicine or being servant leaders behind the pharmacy counter. While none of us wants them projecting their frustrations, rage or exhaustion onto us, they don’t need it from us either.
Each of us, in every encounter, can diffuse a difficult situation and bring more love and tenderness, kindness and curiosity, to our interactions. This is always a choice, one that is especially necessary when the situation and the times are charged. Perhaps we can set an individual and collective intention to move a bit slower, be a bit more patient, and bring compassion to each encounter, especially these days?
This is self-leadership.
If I had returned snark with snark, a mildly difficult situation would have escalated, for no good reason, other than that confusion reigned and won out and one or both of us might be inconvenienced. It would have created unnecessary suffering and stress, all the way around.
By pausing, taking a moment, remembering to put the relationship first, and responding with humility and curiosity, I was able to come from empowerment not fear, conscious choice not conditioned reaction, compassion and consideration not control.
When There’s a Commitment to Meet Each Other, Connections Are Possible & We Get the Results We Want
As a result, we were able to meet each other, heart to heart, personally and professionally, in a partnership turned toward solving the same problem from the same side of the table, together.
This is self-leadership, and it’s contagious...in the best possible way.
When we can act from empowerment - thoughtfully, generously, and with humility - we change the energy of the situations, spaces and relationships we are in. It only takes one of us to recognize that we are being pulled into victim consciousness and to choose not to get hooked. It only takes one person in a room to choose to step out of the drama triangle and into the empowerment dynamic and change the whole trajectory of an interaction, a day, or a lifetime.
Again, this is self-leadership. It is a way of being.
It rests on a set of beliefs and intentions and is supported by a whole bunch of useful, practical and relatively easy to learn relationship- and life-affirming tools; skills that are applicable in any setting, in life, at work, in relationships of all kinds, in the neighborhood, and in the world.
Yes, Self-Leadership Is That BIG.
In my world view, each of us is a leader, at the very least, in our own lives.
And self-leadership is the foundation of all leadership.
May we all be curious about this and commit to becoming masterful self-leaders, inspiring courage for the leader within.
May we hold ourselves and one another accountable to its practices.
Perhaps then we might feel better about ourselves and be able to build a solid conflict competency (as there will always be conflicts, friction, misunderstandings and misplaced anger). Perhaps then we might become excellent at building, nurturing and sustaining healthier, happier and more satisfying relationships, communities, homes, workplaces and nations.
Yes, self-leadership is that big.
May each of us commit to being ‘the one’ willing to shift the energy in the room.
If this resonates, I invite you to explore The Inner Compass audio series, share this post with someone on a similar path, or reach out to explore coaching. The sacred and the strategic are not separate. When they come together, you don’t just lead, you lead with wholeness. And from there, everything changes.